Weed is not a diversion, for me. It’s a medication. I never was a person who took rips from the bong. I left that to the boys of Cypress Hill. Because I wasn’t a stoner. I took little hits, from little joints, because I needed a little mind alteration….because I had a big amount of anxiety.
Because social anxiety can weigh one down. Two hits. That’s it. And the trailer’s gone. The weight has been lifted. That levity…those oppressive, ever-present shackles. Click! They’re off.
And that is why I loved weed. With that said, I’ve already discussed why it doesn’t work for me, now, in my life (click here to see why).
“What are you going to replace it with?” – I’ve started group therapy for social anxiety. I think that’s where my sweating starts. This was the question the therapist leading the group asked.
I paused. Thought. Alcohol?? I grinned. Thankfully, alcohol just doesn’t afford that relief I get from weed.
My mind drifted to two months prior. I was at the psychiatrist’s office because I needed Klonopin. Xanax too, although I almost never take that. Anxiety at work had beaten me down. “Well, just taking panic medication alone isn’t really ideal.” I was sitting there on the psychiatrist’s couch. “I know, I know. Write the damn prescription already.” That was all I was thinking. I’m not taking full-blown anxiety medication for this. I’m just not. I refuse.” The stigma was speaking for me.
Two months has passed. Two weeks now without weed. Enough for an about-face, I guess.
Back at group therapy…”I’m gonna go back on medication for social anxiety,” I heard myself say.