Taking Anxiety to School – Sweating in Class (Part II – A Detailed Account of My Time in Graduate School)

Pressure is relative. Everyone has a different threshold. As I’ve mentioned, anxiety predated law school. But I knew when I enrolled that the pressure in law school would test me in ways I’d never experienced. My doubts were overwhelming, and I wondered how I’d cope with the feelings….and with the sweating.

In preparation for this “war,” I had been seeing a therapist. I had a prescription for Paxil which may have been working, albeit minimally, in keeping my mood positive as I approached Day 1.

The first week of class I was anxious, but fighting. I wore undershirts and oversized collared shirts to try to conceal the sweating. For people who sweat a lot, a tight shirt is terrifying. Give me about 4 minutes, and it’s soaked through. Hence, oversized.

While in class, I was distracted. Well, maybe that’s not the word. It was more like I had tunnel vision. In my head, I was back on the plains of the Savannah, staring down a lion. My attention was acutely focused on the professor and the material.

It was between classes, or at breaks, that I’d head to the restroom to do an underarm check. Without fail, I’d be soaked. I’d spread my arms like a bird taking flight, and to me deep disappointment my two shirts would be waterlogged.Flight cancelled for today folks! Inclement weather. Wayyyy too damn much precipitation for take off!

I’d grab paper towels to soak up what I could, but there was no real effective way to prevent the sweat marks. I was the Titanic, with a breach in my hull that could not be plugged…And I was sinking.

I kept trying to reinforce that, no matter the disappointment, I was fighting for myself. I was face to face with my lion – an entire damn pride – and I was holding my nerve (to a certain extent). But it would be disingenuous if I told you that the sight of soaked shirts did not bring me down every time I raised my arms in the bathroom mirror.

About 2 weeks into classes, I was talking to one of my closest friends about my predicament. He gave me what, in retrospect, was such simple, almost-intuitive advice: WEAR WHITE. It hadn’t crossed my mind previously. In fact, I had been more of the opinion that a solid black hue would be most effective at concealing the sweat.

If you are a heavy sweater, perhaps you have already realized the virtues of white shirts. The color simply makes the wetness less obvious…Less visible.

The advice helped immensely. It did NOT curb my sweating. I still sweated a ton. But it was much harder for others to notice. I did not need to be nearly as self-conscious, which drastically reduced the secondary anxiety over whether others would notice my condition. In fact, “secondary” only refers to which comes first: anxiety–> sweating –>anxiety about discomfort, embarrassment, others noticing, etc

In reality, I believe that often times secondary anxiety (the concern that others may notice the condition) can be far worse than the anxiety causing the sweating in the first place.

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